Paul Seidell: June 2007

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

change in the studio

after seeing my studio in photos and how not so charming it was .. i decided to make a design on the blue wall

these are some in process photos of the event

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I recieved a letter from my friend dmitri ... after sending him photos of my drawings .. i am going to post it and then ask him if its ok.. hope he doesnt get mad.....

"these are great...the flowers, esp. the blue bells, are still better than the figures... why is that? maybe the vigor of your drawing shows flowers in a state of rapture that is not reflective of most of the models. i think flowers are always sexual, and humans can be more or less overtly at times - sometimes in relaxing and tame nudity we're not so much - more subtle and introspective (which your drawing is not). i see the interplay of sexual energy between you and the model (mostly you) when you draw. the nature of the flower is to project its sexual beauty in order to attract sexual attention. i think models who can do that more for you would work better. have you considered visiting porn studios - where the models might be more in a heightened state? "

my reply

dmitri

the flowers are more complicated in the pattern of the drawing
itself.. and always easier...to make ...which is the opposite of what
you would think... . no wanting of anything from them other than what
they are. a flower

and oddly enough i understand flowers better than people

. i want sex love beauty friendship companionship and project all
that desire onto the model which apparently is showing up in the
drawing.

i have drawn many men with erections..but never visited a porn
studio,,, i did however take photos of gregg that went into
playgirl....and then found myself quite confused....

its odd i think humans are perfect and flowers are perfect.. but there
is a pressure not existing with flowers that i have with nude
males...but i suppose if i was a flower trying to draw another flower
...bam same pressure.........i never want to draw a model i am not
attracted him in some way..... it would be too boring... it would be
easier to draw furniture.....but attraction has its pit falls and
leaves me sadly lacking and empty after the drawing session is over,,
its in no way like having a real boyfriend or lover... which is
fulfilling and loving.. the act of the drawing or creating is a bit
comforting..but has not come close to real love.........maybe that is
also what you are seeing in my drawings of men... a lonely feeling
..... but for some reason i could never draw anyone i truely fell in
love with .. they are not as interesting to draw for
me..................... when i am in love,, the person is more
important than the drawings,,, where as the models seem to be more
important as models for drawings... than people.. probably thats why i
couldnt draw you after we became friends,,,, which isnt a very nice
trait that i developed....

your name comes up frequently in my therapy sessions... into your life
a little bit of me has fallen.... i hope i havent damaged you....and
if i have... i hope that i put something back in to replace anything
i have taken.... paul