letter to dmitri

hi dmitri i ve been drawing the most beautiful men .. its been
quite intimidating// a ballet dancer on umass s rowing team.. madison
who is also a dancer/carpenter... ,my sweedish friend simon
.... some very pretty stuff but i did give away many of the
drawings......my friend simon is coming out to sf for the weekend he
came from sweeden for a wedding .... i am working at camp till
friday... bringing some work out to ptown ... i hate ptown... applied
for a new job havent heard anything yet.... andre is here staying he
got a job at 6 flags making henna designs i guess he likes it... sound
more fun than my job

meditated before therapy which sort of brought up my feelings.. then i
meditate on where they were coming from .. and what was their basis..
it was so very usefull .. i came to understand my anger.... and talked
about it with my therapist.. also about wanting to be godlike when
drawing......i next want to understand my feelings of being lonely and
why i have them.. when i am surrounded by people... i started to
explore it and believe it is because of mourning.. ////////mourning
never ends... and its probably why i still am making art... when i was
a kid i used to bring home all my art and show my mother.. i think i
am still bringing it home and waiting to show my mother.. but she isnt
there so i keep making it in hopes it will get better and she will be
there.... rather childish isnt it.....

do you think there will ever be a gay messiah like rufus w.. sings
about??? it would be wonderful to hope so.... even him singing it gives
me hope that in the future people wont hate you because of who you re
attracted to......... paul